


Paperwork / I Was Asleep

by copperbadge



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bets, Gen, Gift Fic, Kigurumi, Paperwork, Short, Teasing, grumbling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 16:03:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16222508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperbadge/pseuds/copperbadge
Summary: Two short gift fics, "Paperwork" for Sara Holmes and "I Was Asleep" for superqueerpasta.





	Paperwork / I Was Asleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sara_holmes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sara_holmes/gifts), [series](https://archiveofourown.org/users/series/gifts).



_For Sara, who was trying to write school reports and asked for motivation involving Cap hating paperwork._

“We never had to do paperwork in the war, you know.” 

Cap's grumbling, while perhaps justified, was also hilarious; maybe it was just that they'd all been in the conference room for hours, filling out belated after-actions because Hill had finally Had Enough, but something about Steve grumbling that things had been easier In His Day struck Clint as hilarious. 

He tried to stifle a laugh, but it was rough; a second later Steve continued, "Not that we could have if we'd wanted to, it was hard to get a working damn pen what with rationing."

Clint wheezed, very softly, trying to contain it.

"And DumDum hoarded pencils like they were going to be his postwar pension," Steve finished, with grim vindictiveness and an extra-hard jot of his pen. 

Clint lost it; first a giggle, then a full-blown laugh, and then Natasha went _ahahaSNORT_ and both of them lost it.

By the time Clint was wiping his eyes, the laughing fit over, Steve was looking triumphant; he pointed at Clint and Natasha, then at the clock, looking at Bucky the whole time. Bucky rolled his eyes and waved a hand in some kind of defeat, and Steve stood up, carried his paperwork over to Bucky, and dropped it in a heap in front of him. 

"What was that all about?" Clint managed, as Bucky pulled the paperwork over and Steve walked out the door. 

"We had a bet. If he could get Natasha to snortlaugh in the first four hours, he won," Bucky said. "Thanks, by the way."

"No problem," Clint replied, while Natasha looked annoyed. "Wait, he won you doing all his paperwork? Can we make that bet next time?"

"No, you know all you have to do is shove a pencil up your nose," Bucky replied. Natasha made a little snorting laugh. "See?"

"Unfair to all concerned," Clint announced. 

"Joke's on him, actually," Bucky said. "In about ten minutes he'll start feeling bad he saddled me with all this and go buy me one'a them frozen chocolate drinks from the donut place." 

"Yeah, but you still have to do all his paperwork."

"Pfft." Bucky rolled his eyes again. " _We never had to do paperwork in the war_ ," he mimicked Steve. "Of course we had to do paperwork in the war, he just always shoved it off on me and then his super soldier brain wrote it out of existence."

"Seems unkind to you," Bruce put in, from behind his own stack of paperwork.

"Well, I didn't mind it, and it meant it got done," Bucky said philosophically. "Plus I kept a pen chained to my body at all times so the joke was I was the only literate fella in the 107th. Anyway, I put a bunch of jokes in to keep me entertained."

"You put jokes in your World War 2 after-action paperwork?" Clint asked.

"Can you think of a better place?" Bucky asked. "Hey, knock knock."

"Who’s there?"

"Nazi."

"Nazi who?"

"Hitler did nazi us coming," Bucky said, deadpan, and pulled the first sheet of Steve's paperwork off the pile. With perfect timing, Steve returned.

"I got you one'a them frozen chocolate things from the donut shop," he announced. 

Natasha snortlaughed so loud it startled Tony, who had been sleeping while pretending to work on a StarkPad.

* * *

_For superqueerpasta, who once imagined a superhero fighting crime in a kigurumi._

"Look, Clint, not that you didn’t do great in battle just now," Steve said, once the shooting and supervillain monologues had died down.

"I WAS ASLEEP," Clint said loudly.

"And not that I want to judge your life choices, or your decisions about your uniform, which are obviously yours to make," Steve continued, with the air of one determined to finish his thought regardless of interruptions.

"They’re totally normal lounge wear! Japan has some pretty great ideas!" Clint insisted.

"It's just that I worry it's not rated for combat. I mean…it's not, is it? There's no protective armor under the…the furry cat ears?"

Clint glowered. "Fox ears," he said.

"Right right, fox ears," Steve said. His brow crinkled.

"I was asleep when the Assemble was called," Clint repeated. "Asleep in my totally normal kigurumi. And since the assault was ON THE TOWER, I did not have time to change. You're lucky I paused to pick up my bow."

"This isn't a kink, is it?" Tony asked, landing nearby. "Because if it is, solidarity bro, I got your back, your kink is okay, but it needs some kevlar reinforcement -- "

"It's not a kink! They’re just comfy!" Clint tried.

"We just want you to be safe," Steve said earnestly.

"I JUST DEFEATED EVIL IN A ONESIE, HOW MUCH SAFER DO YOU WANT ME?" Clint yelled.

There was a second of silence, and then Steve's whole face turned pink, and he made a snorting noise, like he was suppressing some great emotion. Tony slammed his helmet shut, but something that sounded suspiciously like a giggle escaped through the mouth slit. Steve's chest heaved and then he started laughing.

"You assholes can go to hell," Clint snarled.

"I think it's a very nice fox onesie," Bruce said, wandering past, holding up his pants with one hand.

"I'm just glad you liked my present," Natasha said brightly.

Thor held up his phone, snapping a picture. Clint picked up a pebble and threw it straight through the camera's lens.

"It’s on the cloud," Thor informed him.

"I'm going back to bed," Clint said. "And I'm not letting any of you borrow my awesome snuggly onesie."


End file.
